Thursday, February 9, 2012

A teeny-tiny nervous breakdown

 So there I am parked across the driveway of a block of flats, for almost 20 minutes, hazard lights blazing- tearing the car apart  because someone in the back booster seat having energetically popped the lid of a box of teeny-tiny-baby-animals was screaming her guts out that her all-time favourite; "TEENY-TINY-BABY-ELEPHANT IS LOSHED MUMMY! STOP THE CAR! WAAAAAAHHHHHHH” ..
I discovered a lot of things trawling around the floor of our car in those 20 minutes; some unidentifiable, some a bit disgusting and some, like the  teeny-tiny-baby dolphin-frankly a relief. But none of the items recovered/discovered/ unearthed, remotely resembled her beloved teeny-tiny-baby-elephant, who was in fact at home in the dolls house watching TV with "finger-puppet -elephant".
Spot the teeny-tiny-baby- elephant. Then spot the carrot...
 I hereby decree that no toy smaller than a golf ball is allowed in the car at any time ESPECIALLY DURING SCHOOL RUNS!
Who invented this microscopic crap anyhow?  Whoever they are, they need to be sat down and given  a good stern talking to, getting our children addicted to their ridiculously minuscule collectibles.    And worse are these irresponsible parents parting hard earned cash to support this kind of childhood addiction..
Oh that would be me – oops, my bad.
Gaaaah! Little voice just called from the bathtub, "where's my teeny tiny baby whale, mummy?"  and just as I’ve noticed teeny-tiny-baby hamster’s lost his teeny tiny carrot...AGAIN.
Is it vodka o’clock yet?
This is how my day winds down. Ha ha. 
After applying two more coats of deck oil, scrubbing the bird crap off in between, I washed and hung out a load of sheets (it’s stopped raining for a whole day for the first time in about 2 months – some summer). I then drove to Bunning’s for those rubber stoppers you put on chairs so your new outdoor furniture will stop carving out rivets in the deck, and I came home to completely and thoroughly shat-on sheets.
Bloody birds.
If it’s not the possums paint-balling the settee cushions, it’s the damned birds Jackson Pollocking our bed linen. Now they need to be rewashed and a whopping dirty cumulonimbus is ambling across the sky.
I really think its time I got a real job and started a charge account at the dry cleaner.
OK, vodka number two in hand, I’m peeping into the doll’s house, and there on the dining room table, in the teeny-tiny-fruit bowl, next to the teeny-tiny ear of corn and the teeny-tiny half peeled banana (we don’t have a teeny-tiny-baby-monkey yet) is Teeny-tiny-baby-hamster’s teeny-tiny-carrot! And look; there’s teeny-tiny-baby-piggy in the armchair, (bonus).
Meemo, the teeny-tiny-baby-hamster reunited with his elusive carrot.
 Considering that’s just made my day, maybe I need to get a life?
  PS. In the event you have masochistic tendencies, These beautiful albeit infuriating teeny-tiny-baby-rubber animals are from The Eraser Museum
Other, mummy torturing favourites (including the elusive teeny-tiny-carrot) are from the Littlest Pet Shop range:

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Puppet Sock supervises dinner

Super Teddy & a teeny tiny carrot

Business as usual - highlights of my day:

6am:     Lucie wakes me in tears to hunt for Polly Pocket's left shoe
6.45:    The next domestic disaster necessitates my gluing a railway bridge back together
8.15     Feeling smug; ready to leave the house.. but don't manage get into the car for another 15
8.35     Show and tell rehearsals "A is for Apron"..."what do we use an apron for?"...
8:38     School run; notice a rabbit running flat out along the footpath towards the pre-school building. Lucie and I in hysterics speculating it's being late for school and whether it's in 'toddlers' or 'pre-school'. Lucie decides it's a toddler.
9.15     Post drop off - which is alway more of a slow linger than a drop- I walk Buddy while texting, ball tossing, making appointments, returning calls & picking up pooh.
9.45     At home; scrub Lucie's wading pool again and patch five leaks (which with washing on the line, pretty much guarantees the weather will turn to shit by afternoon).
10.20   Scrub the new deck with acid wash twice
11.30   Head out in search of out-door furniture covers as the plan to leave the cushions out overnight meant they where covered in possum excrement. I don’t know what those possums eat, but our chairs looked like they’d been in the middle of a paint-ball war.
            Stop @ BP, Clarke Rubber, BBQ's galore& Outdoor Furniture Specialists. Head home only with a couple of throw cushions.
1pm     Scrub stubborn stains on the deck again, then strip Lucie's bed, fill up washer & start sewing new sheets, pillow cases and repair underlay
3pm     Pack up sewing & make Lucie's bed-  step on Polly's left shoe in the process & put it on her foot. Throw another load into the washer
3.30     Cleaning up the sewing threads turns into a thorough vacuum all through the house
3.50     Head to supermarket
4.20     Load up the car & go pick up Lucie who is very upset having to leave behind a superhero teddy that belongs in the classroom toy-box. I promise we will make one her teddies into a superhero when we get home, & her tears are immediately replaced by excitement.
5.05     Swing by Mackers drive-thru because I've missed lunch & I'm ready to eat the crotch out of a low flying seagull.
5.20     Arrive home with an excited child demanding her own super-teddy, drag the groceries from the car- stuff the perishables into the fridge-quickly staple Iggle Piggle's blanket around teddy's neck (after locating an un-broken stapler) and get to work turning a Xmas gift tag into a super-hero mask.
5.45     Start cooking Lucie's dinner while putting away the other groceries, bagging up beef chipolatas for the freezer & throwing more stuff into the washer.
            Somehow manage NOT to set off the smoke alarm for the first time in a week- which is an excellent result.
6.05     Sponge bath, cream & put Lucie into her pyjamas.
6.20     While she is still wading through dinner I slap a coat of deck oil on the deck. (another open invitation to bad weather) Just as I finish Lucie, having completely lost interest in Super-teddy, pitches a teeny tiny plastic carrot across the lounge and on it’s third bounce - it vanishes. This carrot is vitally important to her universe & she cannot go to bed until it is found.

6.40     Rescued by early return home of husband.
6.45     Put deck oil tray & applicator in laundry sink and conduct thorough torch-lit search under furniture for minuscule plastic carrot which is well hidden under one of the speakers. 
             Meanwhile the toothbrush war rages upstairs.
7-8       Regular bed-time-parent hostage situation: Husband as hostage, Mum as FBI hostage negotiator

8:15     Wine-o-clock :0)
10pm   Head for bed as the rain starts to come down