do they call it The Birds and The Bees? I’ve always wondered ; must Google it sometime.
my little precious; She-Who-No-Longer-Worships-Pink also no longer worships
that she actually worshiped them exactly, but she did have a couple of crushes
on a couple of boys in Kindy and Year1.
now. “Not ever” she says.
our own changed family situation I think it’s a whole bunch of influences:
First there was Jon Smith dumping Pocahontas (after she saved his arse) as soon
as their relationship got geographically challenging. Then when she became convenient again; suddenly it’s all about him
and his ambitions..
there’s Thor telling Jane Foster, 'I’ll just be back in a jiffy', before
immediately destroying the Bi-frost and going AWOL for two years.
there’s the whole Frozen scandal, where Ana’s fiancée, who turns out only
proposed as a social climbing exercise, tries to murder both her and her
now when any boy shows my girl attention, she says she will "fart in
his general direction!" She is a huge fan of Monty Python humour;
but she’s deadly serious about
weaponising her farts as a male deterrent.
announced the other day that she never wants to have children too.
I asked her
why and she said "nappies, and wiping poohey bottoms -
Eeeeeyeeewww". Clearly I’ve
voiced way too much on this topic in my attempts to encourage her to wipe her
own after number twos.
she flawed me with this:
I don’t want to squeeze a baby out of my bottom either!’
told her that?!!
It wasn’t me.
I didn’t, in fact, squeeze her out of my
anything because of a medical emergency so I’m certainly no expert in that
area. Ask me about Epidurals then I’m your gal.
did tell her baby’s grow in mummy’s tummies and that’s a wonderful thing;
talking to them, feeling them grow, dance about and throw punches. Pinkster
loves my stories about when she lived in my tummy and how much dancing she did in there.
when she asked how she got out of my tummy, I told her; ‘when it’s time for
a baby to be born, you go to hospital and the baby Doctor gets your baby out'.
We are on a need-to-know basis here.
apparently it was someone at school who brought up the Squeezing out of Bottom
is something I’ve come to realise, especially after the whole tooth fairy,
Santa thing – that each parent tells their kids a bit more, a bit less and
sometimes something completely different.
was in tears the first time her best friend told her that her father said the
tooth fairy wasn’t real. She'd only just lost her first tooth and was still in
raptures over the teeny-tiny letter she found with a coin under her pillow.
Then her best friend’s dad comes over all; ‘let’s stick to facts-kiddo’, and
I’m left dealing with the fall-out.
I guess 'other parents' give their older children age appropriate information
that is duly passed on to younger siblings with quite a bit less discernment
for the age appropriateness of the content.
What can you do?
comfortable with what I tell Pinkster, I’m not saying I’m right or wrong, just
comfortable that I’ve sought and been given good advice from books and
was a year older than she was before I was told that babies grow from a seed
inside their mummies tummies. That
satisfied my curiosity and held off more tricky questions until I was in
my teens. Kids are more with-it these days with more access to information;
exposed through various media to more adult themes.
Monty Python? Or Thor? Oops. But I still
say Disney movies and characters peddle more adult themes than Marvel or John
Cleese any day.
I don’t let her watch Holy Grail in its entirety, she’s just mad about The Knights Who Say Ni
a shrubbery. Another favourite
is the castle of Frenchies
mercilessly pelt king Arthur and his knights with Livestock.
for relationships, I don’t think I’ll encourage or even pursue She-Who-No-Longer-Worships-Pink ’s
aversion to boyfriends at this age.
I’m ok that she’s not boy-crazy and I’m certain
‘that’ will come and so far she seems to be sussing out the situation just fine
on her own.
may be wondering what I told her about the tooth fairy, without calling her
bestie’s Dad a liar-liar pants on fire?
I dont want to leave you hanging, but that's one for next week.